currently writing from the dome, no planning, no notion first, just going right at it.

"hey ian, where have you been" uhhhhhhh... funny you ask that haha *throws a smoke bomb and then runs away as if i have vanished from your sight but then you find me hiding my body behind a comically small couch so im sticking out really obviously* well to answer your question.. fuck all, lmao. my days usually consist of: doing course work, sleeping, getting sick, moping around.

"why's everything taking so long?"

i cant really create an art gallery right now since all the art im making is uni course work which isnt something im too comfortable with having public unless its a finished body of work and i havent made any personal art work except for a few scribbles here and there. its nothing that i think id be judged on, im an adult, people around me are adults, all art is good, i very much know this. theres just a lack of material in general, which IS whats embarassing me. i need to hold myself accountable on my non uni work flow :(

im not very interesting??? i know theres no rules to blogging, people can write whatever they damn please, but thinking about it, 90% of my blogs would be "hello world today i go to school and play video game lalalala" which just feels like a waste??. i am aware theres no high demand here, this is a website, not social media, no one needs me to fill their screens with content. however, it makes me feel useless seeing empty pages about? like wow i could be coding right now why am i not coding right now and then i get anxious and then i avoid the site all together... oops!

everyone else's sites are so nice and detailed. my sites fine? i like the minimal style and ive gotten a lot of nice compliments about it (thanks everyone for that btw) but i just feel like i can do more and my brain is roadblocking me from doing more. im always thinking way too ahead like "oh i shouldnt put this here, what if i want to change themes in the future" just going round and round in circles enough to result in not doing anything about it! i dont update shit enough for me to have to change it all the time? and im like beyond indecisive, its hard to stick to one idea when theyres so much to see around me. so again, i just avoid it all together. idk why i judge myself so much for it. i think its normal when other people take a while to update their sites but WHEN I, ME, I DO IT its suddenly the end of the world (dw im working on it)

sorry i had to throw all this at the wall because i just feel v guilty about doing nothing, im gonna keep this here as a reminder to get shit done around this page. also sorry about how nothing my sentences are, im not a writer, its also 10pm and the medication i take for sleeping is like working its ass off at trying to get me to sleep rn, but im persisting!!! just to get this out!!! yay!!! idk ill probably be embarassed about being so vunerable when i wake up in about 8 hrs.. anyway im fine im doing okay, this isnt directed at the world, its directed at the little demon that sits on my shoulder dw. im just here to say... my comeback is gonna be crazy trust trust, just wait a bit... maybe a bit longer.. okay wait a while!

k ian out, go listen to surf by wave to earth, its a real good song.

ew i just read this back i sound annoying ew ew ew e w ew e wwwww e w wwwwwwww www my reasons are so nothing man i should just get up and work. THIS WAS WRITTEN ON THE FIRST OF OCTOBER BTW FUTURE IAN WHEN, SO YOU CAN GAUGE HOW LONGE YOU TOOK TO UPDATE- *gets hit with fly swatter* IGHT DAMN IM LEAVING-